I typically do not proclaim my personal sexuality instantly upon fulfilling new-people, but i am aware it’ll probably show up eventually when we become pals. I just claim that I have a girlfriend and then leave it at that, but that leads people to
believe i am a lesbian
, which bothers the hell off myself because I never mentioned I became and that I’d never ever pick that tag for myself.

1. 
   I’ve had enchanting emotions for folks who are not females.
   
   While we presently just look for ladies appealing and simply desire to day women, i have
   located guys appealing before
   . Am I sexually drawn to them? Instead of most days, but passionate and intimate thoughts don’t usually get hand-in-hand. Throughout my personal childhood, i have broken on numerous girls and boys, but after online dating some guys and doing some soul searching, there is
   I like women
   . That nevertheless doesn’t eliminate my personal last, and sexuality could be substance. Perhaps I’m not drawn to males today, but i may under conditions or i would maybe not. I just don’t want to get tied up all the way down from the particulars of a “lesbian” mark.
2. 
   Not all the women that have actually relationships/sex together with other women are lesbians.
   
   While Really don’t like getting labeled as a lesbian, I
   
   am
   
   quite specifically into ladies. However women can ben’t.
   Some women can be bisexual
   —surprise!—or pansexual or simply just do not value gender anyway. With the phase “lesbian” to describe any lady who is at this time with another woman is often inaccurate. When a phrase is commonly completely wrong more often than not, I do not always use it.
3. 
   I am not through the isle of Lesbos
   
   . If you have no idea, there clearly was a real place in Greece called the isle of Lesbos and other people in fact stay indeed there. “Lesbian” refers to individuals or circumstances from that area. The phrase “lesbian” in order to refer to gay women just came about considering Sappho, whom famously wrote really love poetry about women. (part notice: she also wrote poetry about loving men as well, but she actually is the best image of being a “lesbian.” Bisexual erasure much?) Anyway, individuals from the isle of Lesbos don’t like men and women
   contacting gay females “lesbians
   .” There’s a bit of homophobia on their campaigning up against the term, but you still need to confess its quite foolish to mention to all the gay women as “from this Greek Island.” There are additionally far more homosexual women than those who live in Lesbos, so this is specially vexing in my opinion.
4. 
   Gay and queer tend to be fun terms.
   
   I really do love claiming the word “queer” including explaining myself as “gay AF.” Queer normally an instance of reclaiming a term from homophobes, and that is always amazing. It actually implies a thing thatis just only a little unusual, and is excellent for me personally, and gay simply suggests pleased. Why would not i do want to end up being homosexual? We should be very happy. Basically need to select a label, i will claim that
   I am homosexual
   . Regard the pleased.
5. 
   Really don’t suit the lesbian label.
   
   We consider me an integral part of the LGBTQ+ neighborhood, and the best part concerning the neighborhood is everybody else out of every stroll of existence ought to be welcome if they may be recognizing. But when In my opinion of being a “lesbian,” i’m like there is this mythical area of those that I don’t very squeeze into. Some this will be quite old-school, but right now there are a great number of supposed “must haves” for lesbians, like you need to be intense, put on bamboo, and hear Tegan and Sara. I do not one of these situations. Since “lesbian” as an expression appears very stereotyping in range, I feel like easily make use of it, i must
   comply with stereotypes
   … and that I don’t.
6. 
   I am not femme or butch.
   
   And maybe not conforming to lesbian stereotypes, I also you shouldn’t feel I fall into a category. Many exactly who determine as lesbians relate to on their own as “butch” or “femme.” Physically, personally i think this defeats the purpose. I’m not gay so I can imitate a heterosexual few but to each and every unique. Whatever the case, I am not truly very male or extremely feminine. I enjoy wear gowns, but I
   rarely use make-up
   or jewelry. My personal locks are extended but sometimes i love to put on men’s room garments. I defy these groups, which feels as though defying becoming a lesbian overall.
7. 
   My sex doesn’t establish me personally.
   
   My personal primary meat with the term “lesbian” is that if you identify jointly, you must state “i am
   
   a
   
   lesbian.” Should you decide say you’re gay, you can easily state “I’m homosexual.” Linguistics are important to me because vocabulary reflects social prices. When people utilize the term “gay,” it’s a descriptor. When individuals use the phase “lesbian,” it’s an identifier. Being gay belongs to my personal identity, but it’s barely all i’m. It’s just one facet, so cannot cook myself as a result of simply “a lesbian.”
8. 
   I really don’t desire to exclude non-binary or asexual individuals.
   
   Getting a lesbian seemingly have a stiff definition: a lady who is intimately drawn to different ladies. But what in case you are a female with someone who’s non-binary? They’re not a lady, even in the event they are not a person, therefore the phase “lesbian” feels inaccurate. And
   in case you are asexual, you will still could have enchanting feelings
   , and maybe you may have romantic thoughts for the next lady. Can a “lesbian” not be intimately keen on ladies? It doesn’t matter if you ask me when someone’s ace, non-binary, trans, or whatever they determine because, but by using the term “lesbian” to describe me is like I then need to exclude those who don’t possess a “old-fashioned” sex or gender.
9. 
   I’m not porn.
   
   Lesbian is really a typical search term in porno.
   You don’t notice individuals writing about “gay porn” that refers to women making love. It is because “gay porno” is aimed at homosexual men featuring men having sex with each other. But “lesbian pornography,” which includes females having sexual intercourse with each other, is aimed at directly males. Because I know this, i’m fetishized when i am known as a lesbian, even though which is not the intention. I just can’t divorce the fetishization of queer ladies from phase. What’s more, it reminds me personally of sorts of bad situations in society and how typically gay people are fetishized, therefore don’t know me as a lesbian.